So I really don’t enjoy my beefy arms..
– in the process of dying my hair red
– wanting to find something pleasant to do this evening
– trying to understand why Dad wants a caravan
– over the moon about seeing Frenzal Rhomb in April
– excited about my whole week and a day off in April
– eager to move out in the coming months
– hoping work will become easier in the next week or two
– craving a cup of green tea.
Okay, okay. So I’ve been going over board I’d say. Well, yes, the last two days have been incredably stressful and I’ve wanted to just give up on it all.. But today was a lot better. Still somewhat stressful, but I think I’m getting into the swing of things. I’m still getting completely muddled up with some of the tasks, but it’s slowly coming to me. The work load remains the same – very hectic and such – but I’m trying to ask for more help before I fry my brain.
Jan told me to try talking to myself – in a not so nutty way. She recommened saying positive things to myself.. ” It’s all okay. I’m going to get through this. I’m going to get it all done. I’m okay”. So tomorrow I’ll put this into practice. It seems quite logicial, because all I ever do is work myself up. I hate being a perfectionist. Heck, it’s only day three after all.
To end my day off, I finished work a bit over five minutes late because I muddled up some of the mailing, and the post office lady took awhile to process all the packages and letters. I bought myself a Red Bull for a bit of extra energy, and a pack of smokes to help me relax a little more. I’ve been rather good lately with my daily cigarette intake: one before work, one on break, and two or three after work. So much better than near twelve or more a day. I’m proud of myself. Then on my way home, my car over-heated.. Surprise, surprise.. But it’s surprising to see how many people actually drive by and stare as your there standing over your car looking worried and confused. Thankfully one gentlemen pulled up to see if I was okay and to see to the car. Eliot and Leigh came along shortly after with a heap of water.
My car is a horrid thing. I want rid of it, now! Anyone keen on a trade? Please… ?
I thought that having a full-time job would have me set. That it’s one of the best things to have happened.. But I’m starting to disagree with that now. It’s been only two days, and it’s already making me stressed, agitated, depressed.. It’s like my brain is set to “work” 24/7 because it’s all I seem to worry about now. That, and not being able to spend as much time with El as I’d like or that I’m used to. I admit, I do love my job. It’s a fantastic job. And I’m so lucky to have been given the opportunity. I just never realized how demanding it would be. I can’t even turn my brain off when I’m at lunch or when it’s the end of the day – I just continue to worry about the rest of my work load I have to do after I get back. I better be prepared by Tax Time.. otherwise I’m screwed..
I just want to snuggle for day and days and only have the light peering through the cracks between my face and Eliot’s chest..
Tomorrow is the day – begin of my future. I will say that I’m extrememly excited.. because everything just feels right, and I feel the future will bring a lot of happiness to me. But I can also say that I’m near shitting myself due to the amount of nerves that I have building up. It’s the change. I don’t go much on change. It scares the bajeebers out of me. But I need this. I want this. This is my future and I know I’m going to enjoy every second of it. I’m hoping after a couple of days I will have settled in nicely with the girls. I just hope I don’t disappoint.
The nerves are making me feel a bit queezy. I don’t have much to stress about. I’m trying to get ahold of myself. I will do fine. I will do great. I will..
I headed to Launceston last night with a few of the others to celebrate Phoebe’s birthday, despite it being a month ago. I had forgotten how long it has actually been since I saw her face. Gahh. Forever ago! And after getting back home at 11.20pm, I was completely dead to the world.
– roller blades
– vibrant red hair again
– for May to come so I can move out
– a holiday of some-sort